I couldn’t be more grateful not to have to attempt this myself, especially because it must have irritated so many people in the process. (I prefer to avoid conflict.) Leave it to the Observer to ace it. It’s so Spy-in-its-heydey (right down to the cutout heads), impish yet necessarily respectful, and I commend them. Here you go:

Officially, there is no such thing as the New Yorker masthead. The New Yorker is so averse to having a masthead that The New Yorker will not even comment about why it chooses not to have a masthead.
…
The New Yorker declined to supply the names of any of its staff, but a spokesperson agreed to confirm names and to provide missing titles. The result is almost certainly approximate and incomplete. Still, it exists.

Go here, pronto, for the full story and PDF.

A Friend Writes: ‘Who Is Running The New Yorker?’ [NY Observer]
The First Rule of ‘New Yorker’ Staff is “There Is No ‘New Yorker’ Staff” [Gawker]