From Tom “Minor Tweaks” Bartlett’s Responsible Spam on McSweeney’s:

From: Maybelline Kane
Subject: What time is it?

Hey, you, I’m blond, gorgeous, and I just turned 18! I set up a webcam in my bedroom so people could watch me 24/7! However, the more I thought about it, the more the whole thing seemed kind of creepy and demeaning. So I scrapped that idea.

The others are great, too.

I recently got a message—about learning to build simple and clean websites that can bring in the dough—from Myrtle C. Grosbeaks. That’s my new pseudonym. I have one already (I mean besides emdashes), you know.