From a Princess Cruises (I think) radio ad this morning, a loose paraphrase: “Cancel your flight to your vacation spot and take our boat! No waiting, no cancellations, no fuss! Get to the Caribbean the nicer way!”

So steamship travel is back—excellent—but surely cruise lines have security procedures, too? Oh well, I’m ready for my David Foster Wallace sensory overstimulation anytime. If obsequiousness bugs you (and it does me, too), just remember that after hours the cruise-line staff are debauching it up and making the Dirty Dancing set look like Mouseketeers. If you’re adventurous, you can seek them out and sing bawdy show tunes till dawn. Maybe not on the QE2, though, a solemn experience ostensibly promoted by the preppy (not to say tiny) mummies who appear in the ship’s New Yorker ads; after hours, the crew and passengers alike are safely stowed in their golden caskets. In the alternate QE2 ad strategy, regular folks have secret lives as onboard royalty. Indeed, the nautical romance of the neurotic has been well documented in psychoanalytic literature. That said, the boat looks absolutely fantastic, and I’m packed to sail. Luff up the tender!